Instead of lingering on the IUIs that didn’t work (although trust me, I’m still doing that in my head), I though I would write about the one that did work.
I’ve never been a regular type of girl. I’m not talking about a couple of days here and there. I mean months would go by and AF wouldn’t come. There was no other reason for it not to come other than there was something wrong with my body. I didn’t feel comfortable telling anyone about it, so I waited until I got my own insurance. In a period (no pun intended) of 8 years, I probably only got AF 10-12 times.
When I finally got my own GYN and told her about my issues, she just wrote me a prescription for BCP. This was one of the highest rated GYN in the state — who am I to argue if she doesn’t want to find out what’s wrong with me. Fast forward 7 years … papaBeaner and I are planning our wedding and I would like to get pregnant right away, although papaBeaner would rather wait a year. I talk with my GYN and she says I should stop taking BCP and see if AF kick-starts on its own. We get married, I stop BCP after the honeymoon and nothing happens for 5 months.
I go back to the GYN and she gives me a prescription for Provera and Clomid. Again, no testing. If I had known then what I know now, this should have been a sign to get the hell out of her office. But I didn’t know any better then. I had 3 cycles of Provera, Clomid, DTD, BFN — all unmonitored. So, I never knew if they were working or not although the BFN sort of confirmed that it didn’t work. I was devastated that my body sucked big time and not even Clomid helped. After the third failed cycle, she wrote me a few referrals — an SA for papaBeaner, an HSG and to see an RE. I’ve been with that RE office ever since. And incidentally, that was the last time I ever saw that GYN.
papaBeaner had his SA — no major issues. I had my HSG (which hurt like a mother) — all clear. We saw the RE. Back then it was Dr. neverToBeSeenAgain. He nonchalantly diagnosed me with PCOS (which I think is a cop out diagnosis, since there’s no single reason for it). He mentions injections and IUI, meanwhile I thought he would have started me with Clomid or Femara but apparently not. We starting our testing phase — bloodwork, more SAs, and an SSG. He diagnosed me with hypothyroid, so that put a delay in starting my cycle while we were trying to find the correct dosage to deal with it. Then we were on the road to our first IUI.
The one snag was that the meds I would be taking needed to be ordered from a company that mailed them next day and that they needed to be put in the refrigerator immediately after receiving them. Back then, I had a manager who didn’t like people working from home. So I had to have them delivered to the only people that would be around to sign for a package and put it promptly in the fridge — my parents. I told them the teary story, and since they’re not good with emotions, they blankly stared at me and then ignored what I was telling them. Eventually they (or really my mom) came around to it and started asking more questions.
The first injection was a doozey. The needle hovered over my belly for a good 5 minutes while I chanted, “I can’t do this” over and over again. papaBeaner finally said he would do it for me and while he re-watched the video on how to administer the shot, I bit the bullet and did it myself. I was more scared of someone else who had no experience with needles sticking me, than doing it myself. And it’s true — the first one is the hardest and then it gets better from there. We would have people visit us and I would sneak away to the bathroom and give myself the shot and come back 2 minutes later like nothing ever happened. Those days prepared me well for the GD I would later be diagnosed with (but that’s a story for another day).
Also back then, I was a slow responder. They started me on the smallest dosage of Gonal-F for 3 days and nothing happened. The dosage went up and nothing happened. The dosage went up again and things started happening. At the point when things started growing faster, the dosage fluctuated, and I was told I had to come in every day. That didn’t work with our plans to go visit the in-laws because papaBeaner’s nephew was being christened. And my nurse said that was too bad and I couldn’t go. So, papaBeaner went to visit his family while I drove to the main office, by myself for the first time. What was more distressing was that there wasn’t much progress. The next day I went it and again the u/s didn’t show much progress — my biggest follie was around 16mm. So, imagine my shock when they wanted me to trigger that evening and come in the next 2 mornings for our IUIs.
papaBeaner and I lived in quiet disappointment as we went through these IUIs and the two week wait. In our minds there was no way that one follie was big enough to be mature. I had read that 18mm-22mm would be ideal and the fact that they said to trigger at 16mm meant that it wouldn’t work. We had intended on testing the night before my beta, because I didn’t want to get the news for the first time while I was at work. So, I go into the bathroom and POAS. And then we open a bottle of red wine for the eventual BFN. Except this time, there were 2 lines.
We were so shocked, we didn’t know what to do. We kept looking back and forth at the test and each other, completely puzzled. We didn’t want to celebrate in case it was a false positive. But of course, I didn’t have that glass of wine. I had my beta test the next morning and it confirmed that I was indeed pregnant. But of course I was still hesitant to celebrate in any way. My mom and my sister both knew that I had my beta test and in the evening they asked me the results and I told them that I needed to take another one in a few days. And I had another beta test 2 days later, and the numbers had more than double. It was at that point papaBeaner and I actually celebrated that we were actually pregnant and we were more than happy to share the news with my family.
It was an amazing moment hearing the bean’s heartbeat for the first time. And seeing him on that ultrasound made our hearts melt, even though at that point he resembled an edamame bean more than a baby.
The bean was our little miracle — it’s rare for the first IUI to work! But I guess we’re going to have to try a little harder for this second miracle.
Notes To My Beans 